I sincerely apologize to my loyals. Yesterday’s recap was just ‘blah’. I just had a killer day at work and I couldn’t ‘andyize’ it. Please Forgive. 
So after the kickoffs – I pretty much am proud that I nailed poor Georgie and KNEW that Anoop Doggy Slumdog Millionaire Dog would squeak through, somehow.
I promise to brush this up and get it hummin. Peace out
Another season of American Idol is upon us…
Seacrest comes out and exclaims…the judges “Dropped a Bomb on us” – (by the Gap Band)… baby!
Grand Entrance as the 4 judges come out from behind the curtain. Curtain? Since when do they get that type of pub? Ohhh Simon’s ego…
Randy
Kara
Paula
Simon
My first conspiracy theory right off the bat. – Kara is on the show this year for ONE reason – anyone? Anyone? in case Drunken Paula shows up again. LOL
Ryan gives his usual blather and intro’s the panel….asking the most rhetorical question, of which he redefines every week! ”What do they need to do tonight?”
Randy – “Bring it – blah blah – like we haven’t heard that 1000 times.
Kara – I’m gonna hafta be harder on the “kids”? Kids? How old is Kara?
Paula – Don’t be afraid…
Simon – Can’t forget the words and the stage better not swallow you up.
13 Singers or a complete Bakers Dozen – 2 of you are going home tomorrow! WOW~ Didn’t see that coming …
Michael Jackson is the theme of the night… Go Michael King of the Pelvic Thrust! Elvis may have done it first, but Michael – actually trumps him by wearing a ONESIE!!! While pelvic thrusting …WTH???
Here we go….
Lil Rounds – the Mom. Is there anything cuter than a little black girl with dreads? Seriously??? I say NO!
Hitting Leadoff – for those of you who remember the first position was dubbed last year as “The Death Slot”. Nerves nerves and nerves.
Lil started rough – but did …ok – but listen It was very borrrrring.
Has anyone seen the music video? The Michael Jackson one? Wowza the girl in it – is NOT named Lil.
She actually says “Aint nobody’s BIDNESS!” Bwahaha!
Randy – oh boy she is the bomb
Kara – wants to hear her on the radio?
Paula – compliments clothes…and angels and what is that parrot on your shoulder Paula?
Simon – Keeps it real. It WAS boring and safe and she looked UNfab!
Scott Blind Guy Macintyre – Let me say what everyone is thinking ok? Blind Guy is a pure sentimental vote. Is he going to win? Probably not. Great story? Heckyeah! Do I want him to do well? Heckyeah!
Just forget the fact that he is blind. Close your eyes and listen to him and… dang he is good.
Wow – he did a bang up job of “Keep the Faith” – Is that dust in your eye?
Kara – not so dynamic – but true to your self
Paula – How did Paula see Scott’s instrument at his hands? Huh???
Simon – Hahaha – Don’t be artistic on this show!
Randy – performance was safe.
Danny Gokey – the guy whose wife passed away – He looks like Robert Downey Jr.
PYT…. Started unusually slow and then… Did he mess up?
He kinda seemed out of tune… Lets see what the judges say?
He certainly rocked out.
Paula – True mark of an artist – close your eyes and hear them? On the way to the finals???
Simon – Shush Paula – vocals were brilliant… dancing was horrendous
Randy – range got it you just got it… Does Randy look like about 50 pounds lighter to anyone???
Kara – The Joyyyy – Not sure I like her yet…
Michael Sarver – Country bumpkin – Not a fan of him when he won a seat in the final. I am thinking that they chose him for the country vote. I am going out on a limb right now and say that he won’t make it past the first 2-3 shows… possibly voted out tonight. America won’t buy this kid.
Hated the song and just can’t get into it. Now watch the judges say they loved it.
Simon – Not the best singer…made up for it with passion and heart. (I thought Simon could get him voted off if he just sledged him right here –right now)
Randy – One of the best – of course – see?
Kara – you really can sing. UGH I don’t buy it.
Paula – She is going to cry I think she is coming down off something. “Distinctually”???
Jasmine – I have a problem with this girl. I’m gonna say it right now. She looks really awkward to me. Her eyes are like too far apart. I know that is soo superficial of me.
Not a fan of the arrangement. Its just …isn’t this a Jackson 5 song??? It just is “forgettable”. But again I am sure someone will pipe up and say she nailed it.
Randy – Yo Jazz check it out…Oh here 5 singers in… and he throws out Mariah Carey… great restraint Randy!
Kara – Hits some of these notes and whoa! Great stage presence
Paula – the ambiance in the audience… way to go
Simon – Big Notes always going to trouble you. Be a little girl… a naughty little girl.
Kris Allen – matching aprons – HOW SPESH!!!!
The second coming of Jason Castro!!!!! Without the dreads… Their freaking mouths do the exact same thing! That little curl thingie… hahahaha He shaved his hair and is trying again!
I like him – but I fear that he is just like about 12 other guys on the radio.
Kara – Girls love Kris and his apron… Points to Kara for using “whole other” not “whole Nother!”
Paula – gets undressed by Simon adorable sexy …
Simon – Smart statement – keep his wife hidden to gain more votes
Randy – Jason Mrazzy – I think Castro – haha
Can I really do 13 of these???? Holy Moly!
Alison – Sams Club Salvadorian – Red Red hair
Interesting … She just won’t get votes tho unless she BLOWS. She doenst bring it like the irish Carly rocker from last season.
Paula – 16? Rockstar up there…
Simon – Good performance – we know who you are…
Randy – you got it – you are one to watch check it out
Kara – keep being a rocker girl – you know Kara is true to the notes talk – gotta give her that.
Maybe she does have a personality???
Anoop Desai – Im sorry – Slumdog Millionaire is the ONLY reason he was picked PERIOD!
He’s a stinkin Tar heel! I HATE Tar heels! I want him OUT tonight!!!!
Anoop Doggy Dog! – he should be a rap artist… he’s got the name!
Oh no! BEAT IT!!!!!! He needs to just beat it!
Yuck not a fan fave not a judge fave - judges???
Simon – he is so embarrassed he cant say he hates it first! Its his turn and he throws Paula under the bus.
Paula – hated it
Simon – Karaoke. Stupid! LOVED that – it was STOOPID!
Randy – wrong choice – YES he may go home baby! BEAT IT!!!! ANOOP the STOOP
Kara – stays with her notes and deflates him.
Jorge – Don’t call him George! Hahaha
I am not sold on Jorgie Peorgie – Not my fave with the shoulder shrugging – I think he pretty much guaranteed that he is headed back to Puerto Rico …soon. Headed out tonight along side Anoop! Ewwwww
Randy – old fashion song – pitch points –
Kara – again – disconnected – If the word disconnected is the buzz word – both contestants she has said are disconnected – DONE
Paula – making him speak – he is gawn!
Simon – stick a fork in him! LOVED his I didn’t want to sing BAD by Michael Jackson – actually you just did! Quote of the night
Megan teeny tattoo Joy Corkrey – What is that thing on your arm??? Well wow what do I bash about being a single mom with a boy named Ryder?
Her performance was – positively rockin robin… well I think she did a great job but I think that she learned how to dance at the Brooke White school of dance!
Kara – That’s so Megan.
Paula – Quirky and unique voice –
Simon – Stupid song choice… haha – He was right tho
Randy – diff song would help
Adam Lambert – Ok so Americas early vote to win it
Nice black fingernails
Had some rough parts – the kida can wail though. But the yelling and screaming….
He is quite composed.
Paula – She is about to LOSE it – she wants Adam oh my gosh! Can she just freakin shut up???
Simon – Oh my that was in a different league than everything else tonight.
Randy – Most Current – could make a record right now!
Kara – the notes that I didn’t even know existed?
I just kinda hate when the judges just lay down – this person is going to win it speak in week 1 – I know its for ratings – but seriously? Why even listen to anyone else?
Matt G – wins the contest for sounding the MOST like Michael tonight. He wailed on the piano… and his Michael impression was spot on. Wow.
Not a huge fan of him – he is the Ace of this contest. Sounded hellagood singing George Michael all falsetto in the first week and then…kaplooey!
Randy –
Kara – talented guy
Paual – has nothing else to say so she one words a response
Simon says exactly what I did – following Adam and Paula going blind, how could you get any score near a ‘perfect Mary Lou Retton 10’?
Alexis -
What is the deal with the Moms! I mean if I count here… there is like 6 who have kids on this show! Cool.
Dirty Diana – what is with the girls tonight and their lack of being able to dance? I mean she looks awky. She sounds great but don’t ‘prowl’ Alexis… Stand still!
Started off way better than it ended.
Kara – you are a naughty girl
Paula – oversinging
Simon – not as good as you thought it was
Randy – attitude
They just were DONE after Adam Lambert – Don’t we all wish he would have gone first and they could have just not had the rest of the show!
My predictshuns…. Anoop Doggy Dog and Georgie go home. But we all know how wrong I usually am… For some strange Sanjaya type miracle Anoop stays. Sheesh Here we go!
AmIdol is back and I am itchin to get scratchin! We have seen 1/2 of this years contestants get selected for the show – only one more week for the audience voted “3″ and the additional 3 picked by the esteemed judges and we’re ready to rock!
See you soooooon
Ok ok – so I am horrible at goodbyes! THIS… IS ANDYS IDOL RECAP!!!!!
Cue lights, camera… action….
The Davids Archuleta and Cook, clad in white, are standing in a circle of light as Seacrest blathers on about a nation gripped by the extraordinary battle between these two competitors. He then welcomes us to the “Idol”
season finale.
In the audience we see: Holly Robinson Peete (wife of fromer USC Trojan QB Rodney Peete); Lori Loughlin (had a total crush on her when I was 15 I think); Ruben Studdard (the Diesel); Janice Dickinson (Not to be confused with Bruce Dickinson’s wife); Teri Hatcher (grrrrowl); Melinda Dolittle (yup,still no neck); Jeri Ryan (7 of 9!); Sanjaya Malakar; Bo Bice; Blake Lewis; Justin Guarini who got the seat next to Seal’s wife Heidi Klum (lucky dog!).
Seamstress says the votes were unbelievable: 97 1⁄2 million votes came in, smashing the record by 23 million. One David received 56 percent, the other 44. He introduces the judges. Randy and Paula are wearing Coca-Cola red. Randy looks like he may just bust out in “Who can take a sunrise?“… How
many times will Randy say “Nokia” tonight?
Mikalah Gordon- the Fran Drescher soundalike from Season 4, is in Kansas City with Cook fans. Matt Rogers – Season 3 – is in Utah with Team Archuleta. Both places? Very excited. Sidenote: This may be completely biased, but even Ryan noticed the cute lil blonde Salt Lakers didn’t he?
Group Sing: The top 12, surrounded by the cast of “So You Think You Can Dance,” getting down to “Get Ready” by the Temptations. Everybody’s wearing white as they swing their hands side to side even Amanda Overmeyer (borrowed – no doubt. She doesn’t own a piece of white clothing!). Jason Castro is grinning like a fool. Remember this when considering whether to purchase “Idols Live” concert tickets. Just saying. Quickly I notice the only idoler who shows skin is… Oh yeah, SHY-esha. Come awn!!!
David Cook comes out in black leather Fonzie jacket singing “Hero” by Nickelback and Archuleta joins him and they even try a little harmony, and it doesn’t sound bad at all. It hits both their sweet spots: power ballad
and meat-and-potatoes rock. They both look a lot more relaxed.
Seacrest comes out and talks about the various mentors over the season and asks if they remember that great guru “Pitka.” Here comes the shameless movie plug! First Carey and Horton…now Mike Myers and… I don’t even care he is just a funny guy. The Love Guru. They go and meet the guru who’s rocking out “Smoke on the Water” on “Sitar Hero.” He claims to have been a mentor on “Idol” since the beginning. He calls Cook’s beard ’90s and says that Archuleta will soon find hair in strange places. Ooof!
Myers as Pitka comes out on stage on a moving cushion. He calls Randy his dawg. He tells Paula he loves her. He tells Simon he loves him even more. Seacrest asks for a prediction. (Hey Loyal Air supporters..did you catch his reference of Ryan Seafoam? – That was my joke!!!) He predicts the winner
will be a U.S. citizen, 16-28 years of age, not an employee of Fox television, and that his name will be David. High-larious. He also predicts that he will shamelessly promote his movie. Eek.
Seafoam takes a ride on the ‘magic cushion’ while introducing Syesha Mercado singing “Waiting For You” by Seal, who appears to sing it with her. Its Seal-esha! They make a cute couple and they sound pretty good, even though the song is pitched a little low for Syesha and occasionally a little high for Seal.
Jason Castro DUH! returns to reprise “Hallelujah”. It seems slower and a little more syrupy this time. He is just a big dopey …dope.
Seacrest gets the boys center stage and shows them their two new Ford Hybrids and hands them the keys. Woo Hoo! New Cars!!!
It’s a Donna Summer medley by the ladies including “She Works Hard For the Money,” “Hot Stuff,” and a bit of “Bad Girls.” If you kept your eye on Amanda and Brooke you were mightily entertained. Brooke is just
incredibly awkward. Proving that she can’t work it very hard for the money! Hehe. Amanda does not look happy. Donna herself shows up to sing her new single “Stamp Your Feet” from her forthcoming album “Crayons.” (Her first in 17 years!) then Donna segues into “Last Dance” and blows all these kids away. Not so shy-Esha gets a featured spot and she looks like
she’s having fun, but Donna kills it.
“The Letter” by the Box Tops. (Yeah, Alex Chilton!) sung by Carly Smithson and Michael Johns. Carly looks sassy but David looks like he’s wearing an oversized tux jacket. Much better than the little gay handkerchief. (I think a nice Foreigner song would’ve been a more cheeky choice). Carly overdoes it but sounds alright, they’re having fun anyway.
Jimmy Kimmel comes on to give a review of the season. He says he just valet parked and wants to know how much to tip Sanjaya, who is in the audience for a reaction shot. He ribs the judges. We get a clip package of Simon’s one word criticisms set to music. PHUNNEE
Wow, Michael Johns is getting a lot of love tonight as he kicks off the group guy sing of Bryan Adams’ “Summer of ‘69″ with the stripper (David H.), soul daddy (Chikezie) and stoned (Castro). The Davids come out
to sing “Heaven.” And, surprise, it’s Bryan Adams! He’s looking fit (he’s 49) but a little confused and sounding kinda pitchy, singing his new song “I Thought I’d Seen Everything (‘Til I Saw You).” That segues into “I Need Somebody” on which the boys rejoin him.
Video of Current “Idol” Jordin Sparks at Disney World pimping the “American Idol Experience” ride (?) at the theme park, coming in January.
Performance: David Cook and ZZ Top perform their hit ‘Sharp Dressed Man.” The beards are looking good, David is apparently going to sing the whole thing. He’s also faking that he is playing electric guitar. Billy Gibbons at least gets the solo. Thank the maker. Paula and Randy are digging it.
Brooke White (I love her!) and Graham Nash (a silvery 66 year old) strumming acoustic guitars team up for Crosby, Stills and His’ “Teach Your Children.” Brooke the nany is barefoot and kinda killing it. Graham sounds pretty good too.
The Jonas Brothers (my 10 yr olds fave band), sing their kicky power pop hit “S.O.S.” The girls go wild. Especially the very little ones. hehe
Performance: OneRepublic sing their song “Apologize.” Like the song, the performance is kind of a yawn. IT IT SO OVERPLAYED THAT I AM SICK OF IT – anyone else? Archuleta comes out to join them. He sounds nice enough but the song is just so limp. Archuleta closes his eyes with relaxed abandon.
Jordin comes back out singing her new single “One Step at a Time.” It’s very cute and she sounds pretty impressive considering her recent vocal cord issues. The baggy gold lame dress she’s wearing is incredibly unflattering though. Blake Lewis knows all the words! I like Blake.
Best Video Clip of the night!: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. are spliced into an old clip of Gladys Knight singing “Midnight Train to Georgia.” They’re playing the Pips complete with polyesther suits and dance moves. It’s funny but doing the whole song makes it go on too long. The trio is ostensibly promoting their upcoming comedy “Tropic Thunder.”
Carrie Underwood sings her latest single “Last Name.” Clad in a cream jacket with a groovy lace train connecting her sleeves that shows off her legs, (whooooeeeeee!) the former “Idol” victor rocks out her song about waking up married. If Tony Romo is watching he is banging his head…I’d take her over Jessica any day of the week and TWICE on Sunday! She has improved by leaps and bounds as a performer since her time as a competitor. It’s sassy but also offers ample big note moments.
The Top 12 sing a medley of George Michael songs (at least they aren’t Coldplay songs, hehe). The ladies handle “Faith” while the boys tackle Father Figure.” It’s kind of funny when Hernandez gets the “bold and naked” lyric, plus he whispers “naked.” Hee hee. Then they all join together for “Freedom ‘90.”
George Michael sings his elegant “Praying For Time,” which by the way Carrie Underwood sang on “Idol Gives Back.” He sounds pretty good but also as if he doesn’t have enough breath support. Sicky? At the song’s conclusion he pimps his tour and promises to be over his cold when he starts.
Final Thoughts From the Judges: Randy thought it was a great season, he’s glad the Davids are standing there, they’re both winners. Paula is proud and says it’s not a final moment it’s a “beginning” how cliché of you Paula. Simon wants to congratulate both of them and watching back last night’s show it wasn’t quite so clear-cut a winner as he thought. He also apologizes to David Cook for saying his comments verged on disrespectful. He calls them “try-ers.” For the first time ever he doesn’t care who wins, he thinks they’re both lovely people and did very well.
Your “American Idol” is: David Cook (by a margin of 12 million votes). Cook hugs Archuleta, and Archuleta’s family graciously applauds as does Cook himself. The moment hits him and Cook, fakes it and breaks down, crying and walking toward the back of the stage. It’s very touching. NOT! Rockers don’t cry dude. Chris Daughtry is laughing at you!
Sea Biscuit tells him to address the crowd. Cook says he started the season much to Simon’s chagrin as the “word nerd” and now he’s speechless. “This is amazing, thank you.” He hugs his mom and little brother and says to him “this is all your fault.”
Final Performance: Cook sings the winning song “Time of My Life” which is not one of the ones we heard last night. I thought it was going to be the Dirty Dancing version… hahaha
It’s a swinging, soaring waltz-time ballad that includes a “magic rainbow on the horizon.” In other words, it’s a typical coronation moment song but much, much better than “This is My Now.” The rest of the top twelve looks on. He’s composed himself well and sings aiiight. He’s clearly really happy and relieved. He hugs Archuleta and goes out to the platform behind the judges’ stools. Archuleta – who obviously had to learn the song also- is singing along. If he’s devastated it’s not obvious. He also seems legitimately relieved and has control of his composure. All the “Idols” join Cook on the platform. It may have not been the best group of
singers ever or the most exciting competition but the kids’ seemed to genuinely to like each other. Cue the sparklers and confetti as David hits the big money note at the end. It’s a surprisingly assured performance
considering the stress of the moment. His little brother looks into the camera mouthing the words “That’s my brother.” Nicely done.
See y’all next year.
Lets get Rrrready to Rrrrrruuuuuumble!
How hokey can it get??? Seriously folks, Michael Buffer with a million dollar ‘fight voice‘, (I say that because it is true). I was working with a company and I personally looked into how much $ it would cost for him to do his little announcement at our event and, yep… 1 million dollahs. Amazing. Fight night theme. Fight robes? Oh please no! Introductions, “Out of the red corner”… Sheesh this is lame.
Gratituitous shots of the audience reveal a few of the Top 12; there is Ranchhand Barbie (wearing a costume right out of Michael Jackson’s Thriller video complete with zombie hair), Micheal Johns (wondering how on earth he drew the lucky card and got to sit by her. Yo Michael! That’s Kevin’s seat! Hehe). Carly Smithson and Brooke White sitting next to Jason Castro who is still stoned and caught yawning. Oh and Shyesha fresh off her “chay-er” performance, and uh Elvira is there sitting next to the ‘mostly male clientele’ stripper David, who is wondering why his name wasn’t enough to land him in the finals. Oh and right there… Almost missed is teeny tiny Polly Pocket Ramielle next to the Soul Daddy, Chikezie. Welcome.
There’s Luke Perry and his kids – awwww how precious….
Let’s get the conspiracy theories out right now shall we? Yeah yeah I am so sure that all David Cook fans will say that he is throwing in the towel (boxing reference – thank you) tonight – he stands to make more money by losing than being locked into an A.I. record deal. Who buys that? Not me.
Out steps our lovable, huggable squeezable host, Ryan Seacrest and he is sporting EYELINER! Hey Ryan, you know how I know you’re gay?… Haha
So here we go…stacking up the competition. “Which one of them is prepared to dare more than the other?” “Neither of them have ever in the bottom 3″ – yeah like we needed to be reminded of that? No matter how bright the lights no matter how stupid this theme is for the night…
Guess what? It still comes down to America’s vote!
Randy what do you think? You need to bring it – this is a duel!
Hahaha! Paula is introduced and still barely can make her fingers do the ‘I love you’ sign. That’s funny to me.
Simon is the ultimate ‘playah hater’ and admonishes the Davids to hate their opponent.
(Anyone noticed that number of times the sponsor “Nokia” was mentioned by the opening judges’ remarks? If you missed it, Both Paula and Randy in stride make mention and they receive a nice $5000 bonus in their pay check today. Simon, well he just can’t be ‘bought’)
Eyeliner boy asks them if they want to say anything before they begin and …
Archie just goes for the jugular with a compliment! Take that. And Cook “tritely” returns the volley. Game on.
Round 1 – Clive Davis
(Who the hell wants to listen to Jim Lampley???) Huh?!
David Cook – U2 – Still haven’t found what I’m looking For
Ok who hasn’t listened to this song LESS than 200 times?? Nice to see that he ditched his 3
chord guitar, wonder who told him to stop pretending to play it? Hehe
and BIG SURPRISE, the audience LOVES U2. They are probably the MOST recognizable band of this generation. This is a huuuge song and for the most part he doesn’t hack it up too badly. He does it justice but not a ‘wowza’ performance by any means. I am not sure what Bono would think. Now if David Cook pledged a couple large ones to African Aid, Bono might love it and him! 
The judges? Randy says, “Way to start off this duel of 2007!” What the heck? 2007??? Paula is so in love with him. Droolin all over the place. She fumbles on the words. And Simon, well he gives him a just plain “phenomenal”.
Archie – Elton John – Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.
Don’t close your eyes little boy! I was not partial to the whole sit down on the stage stairs look. He has the pipes to nail it once the song gets going. Had a couple of rough parts here and there I thought. Didn’t he look like he was exhausted after the song? He looked like he was going to fall over. Let’s see what Randy says? I am sure that he will lightly bash him. Paula will say something stupid and just ‘you were pretty’.
Randy says, “It was unbelievably molten hot!” ‘Crazy vocals! Crazy vocals! Oh my. Paula is butchering the title of the song. Simon brings it back to reality, Wow he says that “this was your best performance of the year”. Simon exclaims Round One goes to Archuleta.
(Like we wouldn’t know that Archie would be anointed the winner of the
first round and then Cook be proclaimed the winner of Round 2 and 3??? Come
awn! We aren’t stupid!!!)
Sir Webber rolls out of his coffin, I swear he must be a vampire.
Jim Lampley is a total waste of TV!!
Round 2 – Cook sings Dream Big and out comes the 3 chord guitar! Here he
goes – screaming and the rocker vibe is on. Can’t understand a word that he
is singing. Ok maybe that is an exaggeration. I understand about every 4th
word! Was he actually playing that guitar? I swear it is the worst guitar
strum action I have ever seen!
Randy says he is “singing his face off” – hitting notes. (Randy pockets another $5000 for mentioning Nokia) Paula waxes poetic with, “Song in his heart and a guitar in his hands… Paula true Paula. It “wasn’t a winning moment” for Simon. “6.5 out of 10″ Wow. Not so good DC…
The best quote of the night, Paula Abdul… “It wasn’t the winning song of the night!” Whaaaat? I think I see a chink in David Cook’s armor. He just looked uncomfortable. His face has doubt in it.
Archie – sings In this Moment. What is that anchor coat he has on? He
sounds like a Jr Josh Groban, but what is he wearing???? Oh Davey you just
closed your eyes for a real long time. Who is going to crap about that? I
have to ask myself – do the judges think he did worse than the Cook?
Randy – “the song was not dope, but you in the zone you could sing the PHONE BOOK” originality again! Holy crud Batman…Get a NEW line! Paula is just ’stupid’. On fire and you’re there cause you’re there. Simon loves Archuleta and states, Round 2 went to Archuleta. That’s 2 for 2 for a guy named David. Hey I woulda won that prediction… hehe
Then we put up with Jim Lampley again! What is with this guy? I mean I
like sports, I love sports. I am a sports NUT. But Jim Lampley (who by the
way for all you girls, is a sportscaster titled a Boxing analyst) is OVER, DONE KAPUT I don’t want him talking about stupid boxing analogies and what a fight does to a body??? GET OFF!!!
Round 3 – Their choice
Collective Soul – UGH I don’t like the start of Cooks song. It sounds like
he is straying from what he was supposed to sound like. He is sporting a
black Johnny Cash shirt and red tie combo, wait he doesn’t look like Johnny Cash, he looks like ZORRO! Where is Antonio Banderas in the audience? Oh and there it is again, the fake Mattel Guitar with the 3 chord strumming action sound, available at Toys R Us on sale this week for $19.99.
Oh and what would his final performance be without a cry at the end? Booooo! – goin for the tear vote David Cook! Rockers do NOT sell out dude! Wow – the sensitive side was completely fake!!! Well maybe not fake, but extremely FORCED.
Randy “this is the type of record you could make”. Paula stands up and takes off her dress. Errrrrr! And stated, “I look up there at the stage and see you standing there in your truth and your originality and integrity and… Snoooze, Paula please sit down. Simon starts out by saying that he thinks Cook is the nicest most sincere contestants on American Idol and then states that his song was utterly the wrong choice. Wow! Simon blasts the originality button and says he should have sung Billie Jean or Hello. Mr. Cockiness tries to put Simon in his place. Says something about ‘progression’ and throws a right hook at Archie about singing a son he has already performed. Bzzzz. Doesn’t work.
Archie ends the show with Imagine… I was expecting him to come out behind
the piano. But he chooses to stand center stage with get this, the exact white jeans jacket that I wore in the 10th grade!… 22 years ago!!!! And there he goes closing his eyes. And judging by the audience cheering throughout his entire final performance, if there was a vote of audience members…they basically told you to mail it in…. Archie is the winner hands down!
Randy – goes to the “So good and this is exactly what this show is about!!!”
“Best singer of season 7 is RIGHT THERE!!!” Paula does not stand up and take anything off and implores the crowd to cheer him on. Simon completely lays it down with, “David you came out here to win tonight and we witnessed a Knockout!” Nice close up of the evening Fight Night Theme.
Ok so folks… The judges basically proclaimed David Archuleta as the WINNER – the IDOL!!! Oh my! Can it be? They resoundingly agreed. No votes necessary America. If Cook wins on votes – they should find 3 new judges because they flat out handed him the keys to the kingdom tonight!
Parting remarks, Seacrest and his eyeliner…send the show off and it is voting time!
Oh wait there is a FREIGHT TRAIN on the stage! That guy is Huuuuge!!! How
did he find a suit… Oh yeah Big and Tall – I am sure he was on the BIG
side of the store! Go Rubeus Hagrid!
I am making one final A.I.R. Prediction.. Until next year of course … The winner of Idol Season 7.. In a stunning SHOCKER!!! DAVID COOK! Yes folks, with a final conspiracy theory #108…the judges, by backing Archuleta succeeded in getting more telephone calls and Cook wins in a nail biter!!!
Please celebrate me home!!!! – Rube
Lets get it started in here – lets get it started in here….(Black Eyed Peas) and yes that is Fergie!
Soooo I want to start off tonight with an apology. It is this, I wanted to show you that I predicted last night pretty well before the show aired. But since I didn’t put it in writing I can’t really take any credit for it now can I? So what did you predict Andy? Thanks for asking (Even though that was my inside voice and not one of you guys, hehe) I’d be happy to tell you.
We all knew they would be performing 3 songs. That much was a given. I do admit that I had no idea which order they would be singing them in. But, this is what I was assured of, first round the judges would give positive remarks to all singers. The second round would be the ‘You gotta bring it and that wasn’t it or your thing’. And the third round they position the voters, America, for who should be on stage in next week’s finale.
If you don’t believe any of this, please email my wife. She will surely back me up on this, won’t you Sarah?
“Bring ‘em on out, How BOUT them JAAAZZZZZZ!” Oh wait a minute… wrong announcer voice impersonation.
We have a little high schooler and an actress and the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligans Isle!!! Oh I better not forget the Barrrrrtender with the big skull and crappy hair, hehe.
Ryan Seafoam’s little spin around introduction complete with a metrosexual snapping his fingers dealie-o was pretty queer. Anyone notice? Go Ryan.
Introductions of our judges Randy and Paula and yet again, Simon’s smug look on his face like he has never been on television is getting a little old. What is ‘his thing’ people???
So we find out that the judges selected songs are first (wow am I good or what?) – this is going to be a slamdunk. So did anyone else wonder how it was decided which judge selected for which contestant? Did I miss that? Does anyone know? Anyhow, back to the competition, the judges will all praise their own selections and positive vibes will goo all over the place. Song #2 is a personal selection and Song #3 will be chosen by the producers. Syesha and David get their ‘picks’ in the form of a text message and once again, how stupid can the state of Utah look to America? What in the world mister handlebar mustache? Complete with his 4th of July shirt. Its May DUDE!!! Gawsh! Utahns Unite! That Mayor Snard? …looked like an auctioneer!
So Archie sporting an old Ho Jo look sans the hat right out of the 80’s with the tie loose around his color and his ‘Members Only’ leather jacket. Paula chooses Davey’s song “And So it Goes” by Billy Joel, selecting it based on “difficulty and showcasing the timbre” (pronounced “TAM-ber”) in his voice. As usual – he kills it. This kid is pretty much a ballad waiting to happen isn’t he? Randy, fresh out of anything new to say about David, relies on the old cliché, “You can sing the phonebook dude.” Paula ‘shines’ through with her “it was a beautiful and sunny performance.” Simon states that there are no surprises. Oh, King of the Obvious Simon, how many songs have these 3 performed now? 15-20? How could they do anything to surprise us? Which leads me to my next conspiracy theory… ready?
Conspiracy Theory #106… Does it really matter if they actually sing tonight or for that matter next week? I mean really – what else can they do? It’s a complete popularity contest at this point and short of falling off stage, forgetting the lyrics, or having a wardrobe malfunction, its over isn’t it? Of course when its over…. We won’t have anything to talk about now would we?
On with the show… Syesha gets to sing, get this, “My favorite! Alicia Keys!”. Anyone else keeping score on how many favorites she has now? They are all her favorites! This reminds me of a Brian Regan comedy bit about when he was a little boy and both Grape and Cherry snow cones are favorites! BOTH Favorites, One just a little more ‘Favorite’ than the other. Randy thinks he is so happy for ‘peaking’ at the right time in the competition. And as predicted, they all got positive raves from the judges. Telling tidbit from Ryan after she sang… So people are basically calling you a sandbagger, is that fair? To which she replies, “I just get sooo nervous”. Yeah Right – we ain’t buying that SHY-esha! Come awn. Just ask ‘the chair’ in her next performance.
David Cook kicking it on Fox News…and a poorly ‘scripted’ – (Seriously, do you think we are that dumb to think that it wasn’t?) “Ohh look how unprofessional I am, I forgot to turn off my cell phone goll darn shucks. Let me kiss my hands and bow to the camera for forgiveness. Roberta Flack – “The first time ever I saw your face” chosen by Cowell. Who choosed who chose for the idolers? Did I already mention that? David does an “ok” job with it. The judges goosh and moosh, not surprising. Randy and Simon go toe to toe about the predictability of the song. The comment of the night… “First round goes to Cook and Cowell.” Did he just wish his mom a Happy Belated Mothers Day? Was that cool or was that a cover up for him forgetting to call his mum???
Archie chooses ‘With You’ by Chris Brown. For those who of you under a rock, Chris Brown is Lava Hot these days and well, being well known you gotta kinda ‘bring it’. Oh and one other thing, David Archuleta is white. (Did you catch him saying that at the end to the judges?) “Yeah I’m not black.” Hehe. There are a couple of things Dave that you need to know about White Men besides not being able to ‘Jump’. It was a little awkward Dave but proud that he did something different. At first I have to admit that the judges seem to be posturing Archie out… but that would be quashed after his next performance.
Shyesha and that “Chay-er”. Yes that chayer. On sale now, SHYesha ‘working the chair!’ Sings ‘Fever’. Sporting a very short short skirt. Wonder what she is thinking… NOT. SO the shy and nervous girl sells it! I am not buying. She is anything but, shy. But the most amazing thing to me was that Paula blasted her. Paula! Wow, she who never has a horrible thing to say about anyone. Last week she made her cry, this week she made her cry for an entirely different reason! Boo Hoo! I got a fever for the flavor of a pringle!
Cook uses his slight of hand. Now come awn guys (gals), the rocker vibe is cool but go with me here on this one. David is not the best vocalist, he uses his guitar as a way to divert you from his voice. He strums 3 chords and that’s it. Don’t get me started on the screaming action. When a rocker screams lyrics – they hide that they can’t sing. David is talented, don’t get me wrong and people will buy his stuff. He will never be a Daughtry in my mind. He will latch on to a band and provide the lyrics but he will not hold a guitar that he doesn’t play for them. The song he butchers is called “Dare you to Move” by Switchfoot. It is a great song and he did it no favors. Pitchy in parts (Randy) and I even heard it. Paula for once, I agreed with! Every song has a beginning and a middle and an end. Dave’s hack job just never got over the start part and it was over. Grade B at best dude. The arrogance this guy has is amazing though. He is not even listening to Paula who says the second best quote of the night, “As you unwind from your guitar.” Humble up man! You haven’t won yet.
Final round; Archie sings the producer picked “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg. This song is older than all of the mentors on this season. Great song but it was so yesteryear – Simon quips, “You did a good job with it but those lyrics and sap are horrible!” Paula just states “Lovely lovely lovely”. I do think that David moves on to the finals. Wouldn’t it be an absolute shocker to have Syesha make it with one of the Davids? Oh man Vegas would be screwed! Mail it in… Whoever is not named Syesha would have a 1-1 odds on winning chance. There would be NO odds.
SHYesha – I don’t even know what she is singing and I am not loving it at all, so I’d rather just type again, does it really matter? It is such a foregone conclusion that this season will end in a battle of the Davids. She rocks the hips tho. Sultry Shyesha laying the beat down. The judges then SPIKE! Poor Syesha hard core. Paula just pummeling her into the sand by saying, “I don’t think that its good enough to get you into the finals.” Has Paula ever said anything that harsh? Whoa doggie! Should I even throw out a conspiracy theory #107? Was Paula in fact pleading for America to vote Syesha??? Gotta wonder…
Last song, thank goodness. The producers select, I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. Wow, so think about what you remember about this song? Girls, you think Ben Affleck don’t you? You don’t think about Steven Tyler and his huge mouth do you? Guys, yeah we see Liv Tyler’s tight little tan tummy and get hungry for Animal Crackers all of a sudden. Go figure. ☺ (If you are thinking, what in the world is he talking about, see Armageddon.) David does a much better job of this song, drumroll please…setting up a classic showdown next week. Paula is freakin in love with the skull baby. Standing up and applauding him like a, well like a girl who is having a 15 year old birthday party and needs a date. Hehe Did I mention how his humble arrogance is making me sick?
Who will be David and who will be Goliath? How many songs do they sing? What is the format? How brutal will the judges be next week? I am predicting that the judges are all going to tout the humble arrogant Cook to win it all. Simon will, no doubt, plead that this is American Idol, and that DC is going to be Much MORE successful than Archie at selling his voice. Paula will do her very best at controlling her puppies and drool. And Randy will be just ‘Dawging it’ up and down and will basically call it ‘even’ between the two of them.
Decrypted – Shyesha sang her last American idol song, the Davids move on and America watches as they are so polar opposite in everything they sing and are.
I am not going to close this epistle as easy as it could be and quote scripture about the story of David slaying Goliath. I mean I am corny, but not corny. ☺
“I’m not going to lie to you… I am IRONMAN!” (Tony Stark)
Final Four. Championship banners are one thing and the Final Four is just
slightly another. In the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, “The Final Four”
is revered. It is an accomplishment. Teams actually hang banners from the
rafters in their gyms stating that they were a final four team. But this is
idol and well nobody has a gym, do they? Where was I going with this….?
I am going to BLOW out of the gates tonight! First off, I feel it a
necessity to present an Ode to Brooke. So indulge me, commiserate with me,
or just skip this part and move on. If you want to hear more Brooke and
lets face it, who doesn’t? visit www.brookewhite.com. I need to be an
‘Affiliate’ for Brooke and make some coin when I refer people to buy her
music. What do you think? how does 20% on the first level, 20% on the
second…
I stated early on that she was one of the best, if not THE best female vocalist
in the competition. She will produce an album that I will buy. Wait… She
already has and I already did! Hehe. She deserves to still be singing
because she is light years better than Danny Zuko and she ain’t got hips, but
they sure as heck ‘don’t lie‘.
Out come the Top Four America, and seen in the audience is that one guy who
looked good but sang horribly. I don’t even want to exercise any brain
capacity to remember what his name is. Oh darn, I remembered, his name was
Luke. Go Luke, by the way, there is an opening in a small karaoke band here
in Utah named Osmonds 3rd generation…
First impressions…Syesha goes sultry. Jason is as clueless as ever.
David Cook is, in his eyes, THE definition of fashion. David A. smiling,
shucksing, I bet he could do a mean ‘Goofy‘ impression. Syesha may not able
to sell her voice, so she just jumped to the next item on the menu….sex.
Hey, if ya got it, flaunt it I guess. Jason stops center stage with pursed
lips complete with the ‘Duh’ look he has perfected so well. Even HE can’t
believe he is still in this. . David Cook, in my eyes, is becoming more and
more arrogant in his demeanor. I think he pretty much thinks he has this
all but sewn up. Archie is sporting some stupid black v-neck tee shirt with
pigeon poop all over it! Wait, that isn’t poop…, they’re actually
pigeons!
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opens its doors to Idol. What songs will they
pick – with pretty much anything at their grasp? I don’t know what you were
thinking but I had a few random thoughts quickly… Syesha will no doubt
pick a ‘Diva’. Jason will choose a dopey song to showcase …well yah his
dopeyness. David Cook will showcase his rocker ability. Archie, um please
don’t sing Elvis, please don’t sing Elvis….
Thanks to Ryan for the judging clarifications trying to further save Paula
and her idiocy. Does anyone else wonder if Paula is really a blonde dyed
brown? Randy in typical Dawg Pound hoo hah,… “Yo YO!” Paula, the producers
just called and want you to just sit there and not say anything, k? Buh
bye! Simon, what is up with your half smile look into the camera? Each
time they introduce him – he acts as if its the first time he has ever been
on television. He appears completely uncomfortable. He just doesn’t have
‘a thing’. Randy throws out the “Yo What ups”. Paula flashes her little “I
love you” in sign language. Of course half of the time she has to actually
look at her fingers to make sure she is doing it right. Simon needs… “a
thing.” So send a comment and tell me what ‘Simons thing’ should be.
Alright already, Death slot tonight belongs to David I’m the Best Skull Baby
you have ever seen Cook. Do Do Do do do do do doodling his way through
Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran. His mic cut out a few times, but OK
FOLKS this is amazing…. And I wonder if any of you heard this. At the end
of his song. He totally BUTCHERS the last 2 lines. He doesn’t sing the
words. He just mumbles through them. I’m not kidding. It was so blatantly
bad and covered with a rocker drawl… Did you catch it??? For those of you
who TiVoed it – go back and watch the last 2 lines of his song – the camera
even goes close up on him. Randy says he wasn’t impressed. Paula is so
confused that she calls for ‘take out’ stating that she is hungry. Simon
blesses his performance by moving him on to next week.
OhmygoshIamsoexcitedabouttheTwo-er! (Yeah, she said “Two-er”) What??? “I am
so excited to meet all my faaans and everyone who supports me”… She is
the epitome of professional isn’t she? And oh big surprise that she chooses
a Tina Turner Diva song. Oh and immediately out comes the secret weapon
…sex. She worked her hips like a hula hoop professional didn’t she? Then
all of a sudden Proud Mary ..rolled down the river and she did some spin out
into another spin out and touched her toes and flipped her hair back. What
the??? Once again showing us that she “gots some hips” and Randy loved it.
She has turned into a beautiful woman according to Paula. Simon brings it
back to reality. It was a bad shrieky version of Tina Turner. After all,
“she just wants to get on stage and show people she wants to just have fun.”
Cameo of…Carly and her terribly fake laugh. Oh my!
“So uh duh this week is uh, rock and roll week and I decided to do a Bob
Marley song, go figure!” Niiiice. The only thing that he resembled Mr
Marley in was the dreads dude! It was absolutely the most ‘ghastly’
performance I have ever witnessed on this show. What was with his little
guitar? I mean, Did he hold it so that he had something to do with his
hands? He played it for precisely 2.9 seconds. The judges hated it. It was so
easy to see that they want him to go home. They have annointed the 3, Syesha
and the 2 Davids. “Atrocious, First round audition massacre.” – GREAT LINE!
Well let’s see if the 10 year olds text him to the next round!!!
Archie sings Stand By Me… Singing in his room to himself and his dog…
Hehe. Boy those pigeons are annoying aren’t they? Wait… Are they seagulls? I get it, Utah and seagulls… And the other competitors are locusts? Hehe – Its a Mormon miracle!!! The pioneer’s fields are saved!!! Their prayers are answered!!! David nails it again. Randy absolutely loved him and why not? He’s impish and likeable and well “gosh darnit” and “oh my heck” he should win this thing! The lil 17 kid with the ‘hot mad vocals’. Paula still is in love with AC DC. But Simon takes another shot at Jason by saying, David could’ve whistled anything and sounded better than Jason. Hehe. But gathers himself by saying, “Best performance so far.” Then poor Archie about passes out listening to their critiques.
Round 1 in the books…. I see it Archie, Sexy Syesha, David Cook and bringin up the caboose…Jason.
David Cook set the ‘par’ higher this week than any other week. Uh I think that the proper vernacular for a non golfer like him would be ‘Bar’. Seriously do you think that if he swung a golf club toting that melon of his around the golf course that he wouldn’t have balance problem? He casually claims to have erased his last song performance and is ready to perform the WHO. Did you know that the band membeers of The Who are now like 65 years old and their latest tour, (yeah they still performed about 2 years ago). Because of all the deafening toil and years of concerts, Pete Townsend, seen sporting designer hearing aids, aptly renamed the band to ‘The Huh?’. So DC pulls out his trusty Les Paul and strums 3 chords…big change from his 2 chords last week. Go David. I think the song basically said Teenage Waste*** 18 times. David – you’re back. Randy wanted to bash him but followed the script and said ‘You’re great’. And Paula just wants more more more. Ugh.
Syesha’s second number…Is she a walking Oscar award? Hehe. Ok yeah she looked fantastic didn’t she? Oh my do we have an Al Sharpton sighting??? Is the Reverend Jesse Jackson in the audience? Syesha pulls a Brooke White and water flows from her eyes. She WAILS the last note showcasing her pipes. Too bad Jason can’t take lessons from her. If you rewatch the show, she didn’t begin to cry until Randy blasted her with his review. Paula stands up and Syesha starts tearing up. Great job Abdul in making her cry. Simon compliments her crying and she cries even more. Even audience members begin to cry. Ryan Seacrest cries…just kidding. She embraces it and then pulls out the NAACP card brilliantly. This prompts Randy to throw up a Black Power sign from the scorer’s table. Recanting his previous horrible review of her performance. Someone off camera throws her a Kleenex and whew!…we are done with her…for the time being.
The Two Bobs – oh boy. “I thought I’d stick with the Two Bobs and you can’t go wrong.” Best quote of the night. Jason??? Are you in there? “Memory” IS sung by a cat in one of the most successful broadway shows of all time and “Mr Tambourine Man” IS a song about drug use. Bet you didn’t know that either though did you? Dreadlocks – $255, Idol Final Four – $5000 (the cost of all the 10 year old girls texts to keep him in the competition), forgetting the lyrics….priceless. Wrong Show Jason. Wayne Brady hosts that show on another channel. This is Ryan Seacrest…shame shame. There is no rescue is there? PACK YOUR SUITCASE! Just like your last note holding ability…done.
Archie – Please don’t sing an Elvis song, Please Please? Oh crap! How could he? But then again…he took off the birdpoop shirt for me didn’t he? Hehe. Gosh that little guy can sing can’t he? His voice is amazing and its coming down to a David sing off. Randy again anoints him ‘the tender’. Paula felt his heart. Simon emphatically states that “he didn’t just beat the competition – he crushed it!”. Yeah I am not even going to go anywhere near predicting him winning – cause I pretty much have given up any thought of actually picking anything right.
So drum roll please…. Can I actually get one right??? I absolutely think that Jason had no business No Business even singing tonight. It should have been Brooke! We all know that. Jason is so horrible. Please America – do the right thing and send him back to whatever mall he plagues with his skateboard and dreads.
Jason Castro – “the Tribe has spoken!” (Jeff Probst)
Curtain opens, music plays dun nu nu dun…, out steps Ryan Seafoam who promptly introduces this as “The night of 2’s”. Let’s see Ryan…, 2 phone #’s to call, 2 songs for each idoler to sing and 2 major live bloopers for Paula!!! Well maybe just one Huge one that feels like two! Well not to be outdone… for me, 2 completely WRONG AIR pre-show predictions for each contestant! DOH! I had two chances and whodathunk I would botch both of them??? Yeah of course you did.
Neil Diamond week…I have been asked if I became a fan after listening to all of his albums…the survey says… Bzzzzz! Sorry Meg.
Did anyone notice how ‘crammed’ last nights show seemed to be? Hurry up Hurry up Hurry up. Each contestant sang two songs and the judges would NOT be commenting until after they sang the second song. This is a key point in last nights show as those who missed it need to know…Whammy! leads me to conspiracy theory #104, read on….So 2 songs, means I have 2wice as much AIR tonight so here we go…
Camera pans the audience and Hey! there’s Rita Wilson…Tom Hanks’ wife. For those who don’t know who Rita is, except oh yeah “that one lady, on that one show” you just can’t seem to remember. Sleepless in Seattle and Jingle All the Way are two of my faves.
Judges, blah blah Randy – Yo whatup? And Paula Abdul goes strapless for the 3rd straight week. Let’s hope she can keep those puppies off the stage. And of course Mr. Cowell who needs no introduction.
Out come the idols and first impressions are, “Oh no David Cook’s hair sucks,… again! Syesha and the extensions, Brooke wearing a puffy shirt from Seinfeld, David A. looks like an inmate and Jason … Well he just hasn’t yet quite figured out where Fraggle rock is, has he?
Neil Diamond is THE “Model of Longevity”…says Ryan Seashore. It may just be me, but haven’t all the mentors (except Mariah) been over the hill and twice as dusty this year?
Jason Castro’s first song! ‘Forever in Blue Jeans’ – he is so flipping DUMB! While practicing with Mr. Diamond, Jason begins to play his first choice of song and sings the lyrics to his second song? My oh my. But he is the King of expressions isn’t he? I thought I could make some good faces but this kid is good. Anyone notice the violin player with the sunglasses on??? Almost as cool as the violinist in the Dave Matthews Band, almost. Jason was his typical lost self with a lost performance and he didn’t do himself any favors with either of his songs. Paula says she loves his lower (ca$h) register??? and then promptly chastens him for his second song – get this – EVEN tho he hasn’t sung it yet??? Screeeeech!
Oh boy. Time out for this thought. At the end of Round 1, Judges speak out. Is this show scripted? Probably not. Did the producers script Paula because they knew she could not critique in the allotted time? Heckyeah!
What a huuuge train wreck! Once again Miss Abdul, in true Laker girl form, blows it bigtime! If you noticed it caught everyone off guard. Ryan Seafarer peeked over at the producers for a clue of what to do next. Simon though comes to the rescue and just rips all of the contestants a new one. The show must go on!
David Cook – Stupid, stupid hair. Hey David! Angus Young called and wants his coat back! AC – DC? DC meaning David Cook how original is that? Come on skull baby! Once again he chose songs that noone has heard of (smartly) so he couldn’t be compared. His 2 chord strum of the guitar action was pathetic. I’m alive??? You are alive and Yeah yeah, dumb.
Brooke Brooke Brooke…. I’m a believer??? This has got to be the worst all time choice of songs on the show. I like you Brooke but, I am just plain NOT, a believer!…. Ok, fun song for a little movement and dancing and (what in the world was Paula doing?… dancing?) One small problem though Brooke,…you can’t move or dance! Oops! Your two left feet forgot to tell ya. Even Willard from Footloose could dance better than you!
David A. takes on the two BIGGEST songs sung by Neil????? Open your eyes Davey!!! He did look like he had more fun though – but he sung like he is the lead singer in a very little known Utah based karaoke group named Osmond 2ndG! Just kidding. As Paula would say, he can sing the phonebook, or was that Randy, or ? anyway…David is money.
Syesha. Oh my hair. How many of you wondered what Sanjaya, er, I mean Syesha’s Hair would look like? ME! Raising hand high. Not digging those extensions one bit. Oh and uh, what is with the flat nappy bare feet? Further demonstrating her lack of any class or professionalism. She sang “Hello” and all I found myself wanting to say was, GOOD FREAKIN BYE! What the heck…Syesha? Where are your shoes? Cover up those dawgs!!! Ewwwww! Wasn’t impressive and very forgetful. Of all the contestants – she is the theme park singer!
Back to conspiracy theory #104. Did Paula really just write down song #2 for Jason Castro BEFORE he actually sung it and that is what she was scripted to say after? Or did she think David Cooks number was just blah? I think she was reading what the producers wrote for her! Jason can’t freaking HOLD the last note. Listen to his stupid endings….. Jason in the Death Slot? Hmmmm. Oh and Mary Ann – he was sitting in his familiar one legged stool spot. hehe And it is his turn to go.
David Cook #2 All I really need is you. He closes his eyes more than David A. Where is the The Dark Lord Of the Webber when you need him? I think he closes them because of his stupid hair. Skull baby needs you to vote for him. Close your eyes America (he is so hard to look at) and vote. Paula is so proud of you. Bow now David to Simon’s “brilliant” comment, and kiss your hands and mouth ‘thank you’. Leaves me wondering who he ’stole’ this arrangement from???
Brooke – Not a fan of what she chose to wear tonight. She is such much better behind the piano. I said it once before, if this season allowed no instruments, she would be nowhere near the top 5. I like her little lip up twist thing she does. Its kinda cute. She got good marks from the judges for song numero dos. The judges once again copied my thoughts, hehe. I will say this, she must have rec’d the note from me, telling her, urging her, to be more confident….she was. Go Brooke!
David A. They coming to America…I thought for sure that the only contestant who would dare sing this would have been Country Barbie (Kristy Lee). But wouldn’t you know it – he ‘bombed it’ or ‘ticked all the boxes’ with it. How does he do that?
Syesha #2 Thank the Lord for the Nightime”. Where the crud are your shoes? Have I just missed this in past episodes? Why do we want to see those flat unattractive feet? She attempted to spice the numbers up with her gospel rendition…but it was so…eh! For me. They are so wanting her to climb on. Judges/Producers want… need some ‘diversity’ in the Final Four.
Calculated guesses have her in the bottom 2 along with Fraggle Rock and in the end, I see Jason returning to his beloved Fraggles.
Hasta Lasagna, Don’t get any on ya! – Mission Impossible
Neil Diamond week! Welcome to a special Pre-show edition of the AIR!
This is going out because well,some people just wanted ‘more’. Can’t really put my finger on what ‘more’ is. Maybe more Andy being wrong, stupid, stupidly funny or just …something to smile about.
In any case, let the games begin…
So in order to be a more prepared your AIR editor, moi, decided to have a little fun and downloaded the Ultimate Collection of Neil Diamond. My goal? To incorrectly (what I do best), predict which song each of our remaining 5 idolists will select. Here we go…
The song most recognizable in Neil’s collection to me is Sweet Caroline. Any Boston Red Sox fan knows it well. Will any idoler dare to touch such an iconic song? I am thinking that if they do – it will be all of them as they sing it on Wednesday night prior to the Sayonara Show.
Step up Syesha! Syesha has taken on Mariah and Whitney, sooo why not go after Barbra Streisand too??? She gets her chance tonight when she croons “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore.”
Well it has been rumored that Jason may not be from this planet after all. Or he might just be a Space Cadet, which is more likely. Tonight it will be confirmed! Either way, Jason chooses to sing a ballad about his little brother, “Turn on your Heart Light”, prompting the audience to somehow
forget about phoning in to vote for him and everyone phones home! by mistake. In any case Jason and E.T. soon enjoy their Reese’s Pieces from the friendly confines of their spaceship of ‘cluelessness’.
Brooke is going to WAIL a rendition of “Hello”. The piano is totally cool, its a part of a movie with a ton of feeling (We all know how much Brooke has feelings right?). Go Brooke, and please watch that part of the Jazz Singer so you get the emotion right.
David Cook is going to go with a version of “I’m a Believer” composed by Neil Diamond, sung by Smash Mouth. It fits his voice and he can get back to the rocker comfort zone he loves.
David Archuleta showcases his boyish voice by picking to sing, “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s my Brother.” Simply chosen because its a song with a message. David is going to go with this classic.
Isn’t this fun? Here I go again, out on a limb, jumpin up and down! Look out below!
Final 6 and it is now getting interesting.
Ok, some of my thoughts first. I just didn’t really get into last nights show. I don’t know why. I am trying to put a finger on it. I may be too immersed in work or trying too hard to fail in being a good Dad but I just didn’t get all amped up for last nights show like I usually do. Perhaps its that I feel the inevitable is upon us. And in keeping with tonight’s theme, Brooke is going to.. Cry for me Argentina… hehe
Opening Quotes from the judges: “Toughest night of the year man.” – Randy
“Some will shine and some will… BLAH” – Go Paula, what prescription drug are you abusing tonight?
“They need to blend the music with their style”… That coming from the man who has no sense of style. Simon
Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean, SIR Andrew Lloyd Webber. How did he get that title? What did he do to earn it? Can somebody buy that title? Or did some “watery tart throw a sword at him?” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) Wouldn’t you have loved hearing Kristy Lee Cook butcher a show song tonight?? I would have. I can’t believe I just admitted that. That might have been worth the price of admission.
Syesha – “Sexy” Red dress wearing, Syesha in the, dun dun dun….Death Slot…but I seriously think that she is the most showzy of the whole crew left. So I predicted prior to her taking the stage that she would feel the most comfy. Oh boy, and before you know it, there she goes with her Chubby Checker imitation, Twistin’ and Shoutin’. She belted out “One Rock and Roll Too Many”. Unfortunately she wasn’t talking about Carly Smithson and her still being on the show. Oh and then Randy goes and steals my thoughts by saying that “Tonight, it was ‘her element’”. Wise up Randy, I already said that. So Syesha’s career will be right up the showzy alleys and this performance keeps her in the competition pretty easily.
Jason – Ohhh Jason this could be a night that exposes your silly little “Oops did I make that noise?” faces even more. Uh oh, now he isn’t the predator anymore. Tonight he became a new character, with the suit that he pulled out…anyone seen the Matrix Reloaded? Yep! All he needed was a pair of sunglasses. Those guys were baaad! He didn’t even know that a cat sung it? The only cat that Jason can think of is in Dr. Seuss books. Come awn! I don’t know if Sir Webber could be outquoted, so I don’t know if I should even try… “I never thought I would ever hear a man sing this song, let alone a man with dreadlocks.” hahaha! Finalist for the fave quote of the night! He just has no ending to his voice range on any of his songs. Has anyone else noticed that he can’t hold the final note on the end of his songs? Just rewatch any of his performances. Second Fave quote of the night, this one courtesy of Sister Abdul,”Jason, I liked that you picked this song, it further identified your identity???”
Brooke – Have you ever heard that record needle sound screech on the record as it stops? Rrrrrrrr! What the??? Brooke stops the song and reminds me of Tiger Woods stopping his swing in the middle of his downswing due to a photographer’s shutter clicking. (For you girls, this pretty much defies laws of gravity). But there goes Brooke again stopping the band and starting over. America forgave her once, will they look away a second time? I think she is in trouble …again. What is with her confidence? She lost it and has yet to regain her previous form. It is showing now in her every performance. She is starting to sing like Bilbo Baggins feels in Lord of the Rings when he says, “I feel thin, like butter spread over too much bread.”
David A. - Eyes Wide Shut! David was given 2 things to work on by Lord Webber, and they both rhyme with – Keep your eyes open. Did you notice how hard he tried to keep them open? Hehe. One time they closed and he hurried and opened them again… For cute. Once again the gratuitious Dave’s Dad in his 70’s Huggy Bear hat was seen in the audience. Yayyyy, Dad of David! Seriously folks, I think he did a great job with his song setting up the final sing off of the David’s. Here is my A.I. conspiracy theory shining again. What effect did Simon’s post number comment have on his voting. He actually said something I found interesting, “David, (read between the lines America) – you still need votes and you aren’t safe. Think about it.
Carly – Before she begins, I am thinking she is in trouble. Show tunes and the Tattoo? That’s kind of like Peanut Butter and Bacon. I don’t know about that combo. If you know me, Bacon is pretty good with everything. Oh sorry I digress… Paula blurts out that Carly always seems to do the unexpected. “Unexpected”??? What show is Paula even watching? How could anything that Carly does be a surprise? She yells, she scrunches her forehead and she screams. And somebody better thank Omar the tentmaker for that number she was wearing – hiding her hips. Ok on a more serious note – Carly’s agent has sequestered her husband in a local pub just to keep him off the audience pan shot. I’m not kidding, he is AWOL. And can ya blame her? He is PG-13 just looking at him scary. All across America I can hear protective parents, “Honey, Carly is about to take the stage, don’t forget to cover the kids eyes when they show her husband!” I think she and the venetian carpet patterned tent she wore will trudge on to next week.
David C – Total Cover Boy. He has become completely the bar for taking a song (using someone else’s version and not giving them credit) and getting high marks for his unique spin on it. Oh, Oh David that could be a hit on the radio, right now! Yeah yeah you’ve heard me before and I rail on the guy. But, I actually found myself wondering where the rocker went? For a night he covered the song and he Nailed it. (Millions of female viewers loved it – and all of them with their eyes closed! hehe) Ugh. He showed diversity and then just when I was ready to anoint him the winner by far of the night, the last few notes he breaks out of the song and out comes the David Cook, the rocking skull baby emerges. Cook soars through to the next round! And tonight on the show, thanks America by kissing his hands and mouthing the words, ‘Thank you, thank you’. Trying to convince us that he had no clue he would actually get any votes. I personally think Micheal Johns could’ve done a great job with that song.
Whelp…, oh wait that was last week, hardee har. I am going to label the bottom three thusly, Syesha, Jason and Brooke. (Small disclaimer) If Idol only has 2 then Syesha is not one of them. Brooke and Jason stand on stage. Jason’s face looks like he wonders where his cat is? Where’s my cat? Am I going to be picked last in the dodge ball game? While Brooke has vomited 18 times before taking the stage, tears up and hugs Jason tightly and then hears Ryan announce, “Brooke, America has voted, and tonight is the end of the road for you.”
To quote that lovable cartoon Porky Pig himself, “Badee Badee Badee That’s all folks!”
