AIR Edition #5
Good morning Good evening and Enjoy the show tonight.
I have found that I need to start writing this in the morning, work a little
bit on it throughout the day and make sure it is sent to you before 5 PM MDT
in order to make sure that you have read it before the… “Buh Bye” show.
It was titled ‘Inspiration Night’, where the idolers were supposed to take
on the songs that inspire and move them to music excellence. I, quite
frankly, found it one of the most bizarre nights of this season. You must
admit that it was quite odd and I’ll tell you why… Solid contenders failed
to impress, I thought one singer bombed and the judges loved him, and some
contestants hair was left with no explanation!
First off we have a new subscriber! Woo Hoo! Heather McVey. Many of you
know her as she graces the BookWise office with her presence every so often.
Infectious smile. Big dimples. I know her as the ‘Where’s my money?” girl.
Ok seriously I know that Heather is the very best trip excursion fun filled
Julie McCoy from the Love Boat cruise director ever! If you are ever able to be
anywhere but …here and Heather is there also, Stay close. The fun just
happens! Welcome Heather!
Sidenote or Andy’s Conspiracy Theory 101
The voting on American Idol behaves just like the stock market. The more
votes (volume), the more similar it is. Consider the following: The judges
would like to believe, and hope the outcome of American Idol will support
the most talented singer. It may or may not. My first point is that all of
the 8 left made the cut for a variety of reasons and everything counts.
Singing talent counts the most, but it would be naive to think that was all
that mattered. Looks count, stage presence counts, style counts, song choice
counts, smile counts, likability counts (I know.. That’s not a word), judges
comments count, singing order counts and even race counts too.
K quick comment – if this was a contest of weekly winners/losers – which it
isn’t, it is a conglomeration of past performances as well. The worst 3
last night were clearly Carly, Brooke and David Cook. With David Cook
bringing up the freakin caboose. His little number was terrifying. More on
that rant when his number is called.
Go ahead and noodle on that a little later, but let’s get to the show!
First one out to adorn the stage last night is none other than the Aussie
heart throb Michael Johns. Ooooo Michael! Sings a “wanna be” rendition of
Aerosmith’s Dream On and then proceeds to try to convince us that he picked
it cause this is America and dreams are real in America. Blah blah blah. I
haven’t seen such a blatant appeal for votes since Kristy Lee Cook sang Lee
Greenwood and you know where that got her? Yep all the anti war protestors
and military lovers added to her already garnering the “Country genre vote”.
So Michael, What gives with that faggy little scarf thing you have pulled
out of the 1950’s closet of horror? Come awn brah. Looks hinky. Oh but
wait – Paula and her ‘puppies’ just might join you on stage at any moment.
Boing!!! Are you kidding me? Sheesh – trying to keep it PG 13 here.
Really now Paula calm the dress down a little and go back to your melted
marshmallow critiques of nonsensical, “You are,… You”! Michael sails on
through to next round. Judges just said that he needs to find his song -
his bluesiness style. At least the judges who actually speak English as a
first language and don’t own a set of ‘chihuahuas’.
Carly Hennessey/Smithson/what is that lady tatoo thing on yer arm?/is that
really your husband looking like Pinhead from the Hellraiser movies?/spanks?
What the heck are ‘spanx‘??? I have to admit that she does have a good
voice, yes. And even last night I commented that if you look at her from
the neck up – she is a pretty girl. I am not knocking the weight serious
girls. That arm thing is just…too difficult to overlook. I can’t even
remember what song she sang, but it was…forgettable. Oh yeah Queen – The
Show Must Go On. How may I ask was that inspiring? She did herself no
favors. I think she has definitely landed in the bottom 3 this week.
Another contestant somewhat blasted by the judges – Simon states the
obvious, “I think you are in trouble with that performance.” Right you are!
Did anybody notice Carly’s Star Trek belt? I was looking for her
communicator… “Beam me up Scotty!”
Jason Castro the likable little mall rat. Ok this was the most confusing
performance of the night. I love the version that he copied sung by the 500
pound Hawaiian guy named Israel Wannahockaloogie shortened to just IZ.
There is nothing short about this man though. I mean if you have not seen
him… Whoa Nelly! So back to Jason. I love the version of the song, I am
not a huge fan of Jason, but I assumed that the judges would blister him!
His closing of the eyes and “Oops faces” really get me laughing. But then
when he opened his eyes and put down his ukulele…the judges Gooshed on his
performance. To me it was like watching Tiny Tim. Had they heard this song
before? They loved it? I thought it was um.. Ho-hum. Guessing what the
judges are going to say is getting tougher and tougher. Still looks like he
should be slinging a guitar around in the mall with a guitar case open in
front of him and 13 year olds swaying with lollipops in their mouths. He’s
safe.
Syesha Carrottop Mercado – Girl… what did you do with your hair??? I….
Hated it! (Two snaps down!) And are you kidding this is the same girl who
I told her that she was insane to take on Whitney last week, takes on
Fantasia this one? Come awn – Listen there is a reason that these artists
go by ONLY one name! Let me spell it out for you… They’re good! Enough
enough already – you benefitted from the Chikezie picked up voting crowd
(Please see last week’s AIR) but you will not be so lucky tonight. Bottom 3
and a seat upon the steel stool! Oh and move that little note on the yellow
paper that says “Kristy’s seat” for another week. Ugh! Can’t believe I
just wrote that.
David Cook. One word – Notblackandcan’tpulloffthatwhitecoatthingdude!
David the Michael Jackson Beat It video gang leader (you know the
one…Lionel Ritchie look alike with Ray Bans on the far left) called and wants his coat
back! Like I said earlier…in my rant against the skull, if tonight was
all that counted towards the vote off, he would be in serious heat. He
stunk. His only redeemable save was the ‘give back’ sentiment scrawled on
his palm. It was horrid and one more of those gets people to actually start
thinking this guy is human and not the most talented singer in the bunch.
He’s safe though even with his botch. Won’t even land him in the bottom 3.
Oh and is it just me, or did his hair just jump back to 2 weeks ago and try
to look like another Michael Jackson hit and look …Who’s BAD?
Kristy Lee Cook, David’s long lost sister from another mother…and father.
Hehe. Oh I am so getting tired of her doing good. This is 2 weeks in a row
and she finds herself very comfortably, dare I say, in it… another week?
Maybe by me writing that she is safe – she will finally get voted off. Its
called reverse psychology and Michael Scott (the Office) wrote the book on
that! See the office Every Thursday night at 7:00 on NBC. Kay Robotic KL
threw down another country song and surprise! Paula said it was her best
performance, ever. Imagine that? I find myself saying over and over
again…if she just had a voice, or moved better or got her audience to
believe she wasn’t riding an invisible horse everytime she takes the
stage… Or….or….
David Archuleta – Best be summed up with Simon’s attempt at nitpicking his
song choice and voice and piano and really couldn’t. How many people had
heard that song before raise your hands? Sarah, not so fast. I have and I
think he really did a better job than the original sung by Robbie Williams.
Yeah I knew that. Go google him. If any of you tough AIR subscribers out
there ask me again if he is gay, Meagen?, you will incur my wrath. Gloves
off! He is a kid and have we forgotten what pure and innocent looks like?
And to Heather (our newest groupie), he looks and acts just like my Ethan, so I am very very
defensive of this boy. So don’t bash on him cause I can’t seem to separate
his mannerisms and my Ethan’s. David did outstanding in fact on many Idol
sites is picked to win it all by 40% of those polled. Go Ethan! I mean
David. 
Brooke White – Y’all know that I love Brooke by now. I think her voice is
the most buyable and if you haven’t downloaded or listened to her studio
remakes of her shortened versions of her songs you need to. Love is a
Battlefield and Let it Be are fanfreakintastic. Although here comes the hard
part. She has lost ‘the edge’ about 2 weeks ago she must’ve seen a Russian
MIG up close and then had to be guided back to aircraft carrier by Maverick
where she promptly informed bald cigar smoking captain that she nearly
orphaned her child up there today. Brooke, pick up your wings cause you can
still fly (that’s pilot speak for the slow). She sang a ‘pleasant’ but not
inspiring version of a You’ve got a Friend, but it left me wanting more.
Brooke you will land again in the bottom 3. I still think she has the best
vocals of all the girls left but I am not enamored with the pouty ‘tude
after she gets done singing. Don’t apologize to the judges. Own it! Come
back America loves you! (at least I think and well right now my opinion is
being thrown on this email canvas like Jackson Pollock.
So in wrap up… I think its an All girls night on the silver thrones of
death…with Brooke, Carly and Syesha. In the end the last two standing
center stage will be Carly/Syesha and Syesha will be going home…being
compared to someone who sang the songs she did…only better. But then
again I am wrong wrong wrong wrong – and 4 wrongs don’t make 1 right.
In the immortal words of Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men, “You want me on
that wall, you need me on that wall!”
