AIR Edition #6

7 Million Subscribers…. This is (dramatic pause) Andy’s Idol Recap!

Ok, ok, so I think each of you are at least worth a million dollars so I
exaggerated a little bit, sue me!…. Bwahaha! No new
subscribers this week to hail. You guys aren’t doing your job…you gotta
get me some more subscribers or my sponsors are going to get a little antsy.
They may pull my contract and who would want that???

When they announced last night who the mentor was, I immediately thought
“Uh-oh here we go, Randy spending half of his allotted criticism time
talking about his days of hangin out Mariah, Whee!

So enters the Diva herself, Mariah Carey comes out to meet and greet the
idols and tailing her (pun intended), is a scruffy lil whelp of a dog named
“JJ”, who she promptly commands to “Sit!” The camera editors did a great
job of deleting what happened next. I’ll fill you in. JJ does not sit and
Mariah yanks the leash in an attempt to force her will on poor JJ. Disgusted
she violently causes JJ to whimper and squeal loudly. Just when it appeared
as though JJ was going to escape his evil captor, Mariah the Hutt pushes a
secret button hidden on the baby grand piano, opening a hole in the floor

under JJ’s little paws, sending poor JJ to his most certain death at the

hands of the Rancor. (Return of the Jedi)
Seriously – Did you see the dog in any other of the clips???
Me either.

I gotta tell you the smaller number of contestants left the longer these
editions seem to become and the more your friendly neighborhood AIR writer
notices silly things like – um, wardrobe. So this edition may tend to lean
to Andy’s side of ‘Metro’. Forgive me now.

First Andy statement of the night before the first note is sung: It is a
foregone conclusion that the bottom 3 will be all girlies!

Randy starts the episode by saying that he is looking for identity. Who are
you? Paula is just looking for a refill on her Rum in her pretend ‘Water’
cup. Simon is going to have about 3 different key statements that he and
the producers have already scripted that he must say to ’save some
contestants and throw others under the proverbial bus. Just keep score… 3
I say.

So Archie, as he is affectionately referred to in some internet circles gets
placed into the ‘Death Slot”. Andy’s Conspiracy theory #102: The last 3
weeks folks, the first singer has gone Bye Bye. Get out yer Tivos and check
my noodle. Can David break the curse of the First?

David A – First off, what is with the black leather pants??? Not really
into that look bud. Careful or the Queer Eye Guy will be watching…you!
Mariah says, “ohhh, Lil Dave he is a very polished singer and I liked him.”
Tells him to try and pull off a Marah-esque falsetto. OK I have to say I
would love to hear David sing Peter Brady’s classic, “Its time to change!”
Those old enough to remember the Brady Bunch episode where Peters voice
changes (puberty for you slow wits). Hehe Hmmmm is that a death blow? But
guess what? Yeah he pulled it off and didn’t sound like Peter which begs the
question, Do you think that David has uh…nevermind. The song he chose was
from the Dreamworks cartoon Moses movie, Prince of Egypt. Funny Simon
would’ve bet 1 million dollars he would choose it. Time out: David advice,
Don’t get in the “Everyone knows what you are going to do next” rut, its a
huge yawner for America and like Daughtry, could spell trouble.
Side Note: Is it me or does his Dad get cooler by each episode? He now is
sporting a Rodney Dangerfield golf beret hat. David cracks the code on the
“Death Slot” and cruises on. Simon and Producers script #2 which came later
in the competition when he said “Everyone is chasing David Archuleta
tonight.”

Carly comes up..and we see her bug-eyed banshee screaming and her furrowed
brow. “Without you” is the song she chose. The song was originally
written and sung by a band called Badfinger. Badfinger? Did a little
internet search to find out about this band and boy did they have some
serious woes. 2 of the bandmates whacked themselves, suicide. Lots of doom
and gloom. I think Carly has chosen poorly. After her performance she was
basically given Simon’s bad finger. HA! Ok so I gotta say, “Nice dress!” -
and for all of you (like me) who wanted to see her NOT sporting the tatoo
(Thank the maker for long sleeves!!). She did look good but I am concerned
that the end of the Irish line is tonight. One thing they didn’t show was a
pic of her tatto riddled beau in the crowd. Could the producers be angling
for Carly to continue?
Simon script #1 – Carly you may be in trouble with that performance.” I
think she is toast.

Syesha – When Mariah says, “I thought she was really cool.” Is that code
for um, I’m pullin for ya girl? followed by the finger pointing an audible
‘click click’. Hehe.
You know how the contestants, who the mentor or week resembles most, seem to
soar? See back issues – who would bet against Kristy Lee on Country week?
Not even an 0-5 dud like me! Yeah so, keeping with that theme, who’s genre
is the closest to Mariah? Yep Syesha. Did she have a headstart? Yep. Did
she capitalize on it? Yep think so. Will she find herself in the bottom 3?
Nope. Well I think her song and performance were ‘Just blah’. Didn’t
really do it for me. On the fashion front, I think Syesha looked like Foxy Cleopatra from Austin Powers’ Goldmember!

Brooke – she isn’t overcoming the shakiness is she? She needs to stop
interrupting the judges when they start to tell her that she stunk or needs
to work on this or that. You know I love you Brooke and I think the way she
is still surviving is that she has basically gone right out there on stage
and told people, Here is who is I am – I cry, I have a soft heart, This is
me… And I think America is liking that. Nice cardboard cutout attempt
story about her sis’s wedding. Again another human interest story that
helps the audience relate to her. Are the producers assisting her? K so, I
liked her song, it wasn’t as good as her best Love is a Battlefield numbah
but it was way better than it could’ve been had Ricky and the band jumped in
and ruined it. I still think that she lands in the bottom 3 again but is
quickly sent back to the couch. Simon #3 Where’s the Beef?

Kristy Lee – Ok Fashion opinions abound in today’s A.I.R. Didn’t her hair
look like it was out of that 70’s show? Hair aside – she is still just
stiff and doesn’t really get me to do anything but squint. When I squint
she just gets much better. She continues to own the Fave quote of the night
though! “Yeah I gave Mariah goose bumps!” Bwahaha. She may have given them
to Mariah but I was like Simon, no goose bumps felt here… Only Ugh! Its
time for Country Barbie to go home and ride horses with Country Ken on the
Ranch. But alas, she will be safe from the final vote. I mean how many
lives does this girl have? I am beginning to believe she is a cat and by my
count she has used up about 6 of those nine lives.

David C – I am so sorry and I am going to ask Randy to sit his fat ole
butt back down on his chair. I had one word for Mr Cook’s song. Yuck! The
judges loved it. I didn’t. I know I know – Boo me! I am so sick of his
stupid little ‘prayers of thanks, kiss of his clasped hands and close his
eyes to the judges while mouthing thank you’. To top it all off, he pushed
for some votes from (I will affectionately refer to them as) Brooke’s Boobs.
His eyes actually started to mist! Oh come now! If you were the true
rocker that you claim to be, what would fellow rockers think of that action?
You think Daughtry ever cries? COME AWN Misty Eyed Skull Baby! Yeah so is
he safe? Um heck yeah, he is building to a final sing off with David A. I
will say again, its going to be a good year to be named David. I am 1
million percent sure that this season, season 7, will be won by a guy named
David. Simon #4 – Toot Toot Toot goes David’s horn.

Jason – As usual – Sarah liked it. Hehe. Second fave quote of the night and
it barely lost to Kristy Lee’s gem, belonged to Randy, “I thought I was at
some weird Luau and that music was playing in the background. – hahaha.
Jason I just keep trying to like you but I just can’t bring myself to doing
that. I can’t put my finger on it. Perhaps its just I know that you are
good, and that you can sing, but you aren’t going to win and therefore I
choose to not invest any thoughts/feelings in you. Jason is not the best
singer in this competition, but that doesn’t matter. He’s a real artist,
with a real identity. He does what he does, and he does it very well. And
tonight, he did “I Don’t Wanna Cry” very well indeed. He knew he couldn’t
hit the Mariah-style notes, so he didn’t even try, but he infused the song
with emotion and turned it into a lovely coffeehouse ballad. In other
words, he successfully Castro-fied it.

As if that wasn’t enough – FOX had a few minutes to cover and so Ryan turns
to Simon who promptly slam dunks it by saying, “the Boys WON tonight.”

Time for the prognosticator of prognisticates, Punxsutawney Phil, to step out and exclaim, “Hey
guys I see my shadow!” Another 4 weeks of winter. Can you believe the
weather in Salt Lake City lately? Get a sunburn one day and the very next day there is 3
inches of snow on the ground! Crazy!

One last thing to ponder, where do the people who voted Michael Johns vote?
I got my ideas and they certainly don’t help Carly at all. Soooooo

I ultimately see Carly, Brooke and Kristy Lee are bottom 3. I think it is
the demise of the Tatoo Laden Irish Pub Dweller!

Quick Disclaimer – I have been Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong Wrong on these
predictions so 0-5 can turn to 0-6 very easily. But you know what? I am
guaranteeing a victory at some point for the AIR Predictions. Even if its
the very last edition! Bwahaha! And the winner is…. Yahoo I won!

IN the immortal words of Dorothy, “I don’t believe we are in Kansas anymore
Toto.”

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