AIR Edition #9

Final Four. Championship banners are one thing and the Final Four is just
slightly another. In the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, “The Final Four”
is revered. It is an accomplishment. Teams actually hang banners from the
rafters in their gyms stating that they were a final four team. But this is
idol and well nobody has a gym, do they? Where was I going with this….?

I am going to BLOW out of the gates tonight! First off, I feel it a
necessity to present an Ode to Brooke. So indulge me, commiserate with me,
or just skip this part and move on. If you want to hear more Brooke and
lets face it, who doesn’t? visit www.brookewhite.com. I need to be an
‘Affiliate’ for Brooke and make some coin when I refer people to buy her
music. What do you think? how does 20% on the first level, 20% on the
second…

I stated early on that she was one of the best, if not THE best female vocalist
in the competition. She will produce an album that I will buy. Wait… She
already has and I already did! Hehe. She deserves to still be singing
because she is light years better than Danny Zuko and she ain’t got hips, but
they sure as heck ‘don’t lie‘.

Out come the Top Four America, and seen in the audience is that one guy who
looked good but sang horribly. I don’t even want to exercise any brain
capacity to remember what his name is. Oh darn, I remembered, his name was
Luke. Go Luke, by the way, there is an opening in a small karaoke band here
in Utah named Osmonds 3rd generation…

First impressions…Syesha goes sultry. Jason is as clueless as ever.
David Cook is, in his eyes, THE definition of fashion. David A. smiling,
shucksing, I bet he could do a mean ‘Goofy‘ impression. Syesha may not able
to sell her voice, so she just jumped to the next item on the menu….sex.
Hey, if ya got it, flaunt it I guess. Jason stops center stage with pursed
lips complete with the ‘Duh’ look he has perfected so well. Even HE can’t
believe he is still in this. . David Cook, in my eyes, is becoming more and
more arrogant in his demeanor. I think he pretty much thinks he has this
all but sewn up. Archie is sporting some stupid black v-neck tee shirt with
pigeon poop all over it! Wait, that isn’t poop…, they’re actually
pigeons!

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opens its doors to Idol. What songs will they
pick – with pretty much anything at their grasp? I don’t know what you were
thinking but I had a few random thoughts quickly… Syesha will no doubt
pick a ‘Diva’. Jason will choose a dopey song to showcase …well yah his
dopeyness. David Cook will showcase his rocker ability. Archie, um please
don’t sing Elvis, please don’t sing Elvis….

Thanks to Ryan for the judging clarifications trying to further save Paula
and her idiocy. Does anyone else wonder if Paula is really a blonde dyed
brown? Randy in typical Dawg Pound hoo hah,… “Yo YO!” Paula, the producers
just called and want you to just sit there and not say anything, k? Buh
bye! Simon, what is up with your half smile look into the camera? Each
time they introduce him – he acts as if its the first time he has ever been
on television. He appears completely uncomfortable. He just doesn’t have
‘a thing’. Randy throws out the “Yo What ups”. Paula flashes her little “I
love you” in sign language. Of course half of the time she has to actually
look at her fingers to make sure she is doing it right. Simon needs… “a
thing.” So send a comment and tell me what ‘Simons thing’ should be.

Alright already, Death slot tonight belongs to David I’m the Best Skull Baby
you have ever seen Cook. Do Do Do do do do do doodling his way through
Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran. His mic cut out a few times, but OK
FOLKS this is amazing…. And I wonder if any of you heard this. At the end
of his song. He totally BUTCHERS the last 2 lines. He doesn’t sing the
words. He just mumbles through them. I’m not kidding. It was so blatantly
bad and covered with a rocker drawl… Did you catch it??? For those of you
who TiVoed it – go back and watch the last 2 lines of his song – the camera
even goes close up on him. Randy says he wasn’t impressed. Paula is so
confused that she calls for ‘take out’ stating that she is hungry. Simon
blesses his performance by moving him on to next week.

OhmygoshIamsoexcitedabouttheTwo-er! (Yeah, she said “Two-er”) What??? “I am
so excited to meet all my faaans and everyone who supports me”… She is
the epitome of professional isn’t she? And oh big surprise that she chooses
a Tina Turner Diva song. Oh and immediately out comes the secret weapon
…sex. She worked her hips like a hula hoop professional didn’t she? Then
all of a sudden Proud Mary ..rolled down the river and she did some spin out
into another spin out and touched her toes and flipped her hair back. What
the??? Once again showing us that she “gots some hips” and Randy loved it.
She has turned into a beautiful woman according to Paula. Simon brings it
back to reality. It was a bad shrieky version of Tina Turner. After all,
“she just wants to get on stage and show people she wants to just have fun.”

Cameo of…Carly and her terribly fake laugh. Oh my!

“So uh duh this week is uh, rock and roll week and I decided to do a Bob
Marley song, go figure!” Niiiice. The only thing that he resembled Mr
Marley in was the dreads dude! It was absolutely the most ‘ghastly’
performance I have ever witnessed on this show. What was with his little
guitar? I mean, Did he hold it so that he had something to do with his
hands? He played it for precisely 2.9 seconds. The judges hated it. It was so
easy to see that they want him to go home. They have annointed the 3, Syesha
and the 2 Davids. “Atrocious, First round audition massacre.” – GREAT LINE!
Well let’s see if the 10 year olds text him to the next round!!!

Archie sings Stand By Me… Singing in his room to himself and his dog…
Hehe. Boy those pigeons are annoying aren’t they? Wait… Are they seagulls? I get it, Utah and seagulls… And the other competitors are locusts? Hehe – Its a Mormon miracle!!! The pioneer’s fields are saved!!! Their prayers are answered!!! David nails it again. Randy absolutely loved him and why not? He’s impish and likeable and well “gosh darnit” and “oh my heck” he should win this thing! The lil 17 kid with the ‘hot mad vocals’. Paula still is in love with AC DC. But Simon takes another shot at Jason by saying, David could’ve whistled anything and sounded better than Jason. Hehe. But gathers himself by saying, “Best performance so far.” Then poor Archie about passes out listening to their critiques.

Round 1 in the books…. I see it Archie, Sexy Syesha, David Cook and bringin up the caboose…Jason.

David Cook set the ‘par’ higher this week than any other week. Uh I think that the proper vernacular for a non golfer like him would be ‘Bar’. Seriously do you think that if he swung a golf club toting that melon of his around the golf course that he wouldn’t have balance problem? He casually claims to have erased his last song performance and is ready to perform the WHO. Did you know that the band membeers of The Who are now like 65 years old and their latest tour, (yeah they still performed about 2 years ago). Because of all the deafening toil and years of concerts, Pete Townsend, seen sporting designer hearing aids, aptly renamed the band to ‘The Huh?’. So DC pulls out his trusty Les Paul and strums 3 chords…big change from his 2 chords last week. Go David. I think the song basically said Teenage Waste*** 18 times. David – you’re back. Randy wanted to bash him but followed the script and said ‘You’re great’. And Paula just wants more more more. Ugh.

Syesha’s second number…Is she a walking Oscar award? Hehe. Ok yeah she looked fantastic didn’t she? Oh my do we have an Al Sharpton sighting??? Is the Reverend Jesse Jackson in the audience? Syesha pulls a Brooke White and water flows from her eyes. She WAILS the last note showcasing her pipes. Too bad Jason can’t take lessons from her. If you rewatch the show, she didn’t begin to cry until Randy blasted her with his review. Paula stands up and Syesha starts tearing up. Great job Abdul in making her cry. Simon compliments her crying and she cries even more. Even audience members begin to cry. Ryan Seacrest cries…just kidding. She embraces it and then pulls out the NAACP card brilliantly. This prompts Randy to throw up a Black Power sign from the scorer’s table. Recanting his previous horrible review of her performance. Someone off camera throws her a Kleenex and whew!…we are done with her…for the time being.

The Two Bobs – oh boy. “I thought I’d stick with the Two Bobs and you can’t go wrong.” Best quote of the night. Jason??? Are you in there? “Memory” IS sung by a cat in one of the most successful broadway shows of all time and “Mr Tambourine Man” IS a song about drug use. Bet you didn’t know that either though did you? Dreadlocks – $255, Idol Final Four – $5000 (the cost of all the 10 year old girls texts to keep him in the competition), forgetting the lyrics….priceless. Wrong Show Jason.  Wayne Brady hosts that show on another channel. This is Ryan Seacrest…shame shame. There is no rescue is there? PACK YOUR SUITCASE! Just like your last note holding ability…done.

Archie – Please don’t sing an Elvis song, Please Please? Oh crap! How could he? But then again…he took off the birdpoop shirt for me didn’t he? Hehe. Gosh that little guy can sing can’t he? His voice is amazing and its coming down to a David sing off. Randy again anoints him ‘the tender’. Paula felt his heart. Simon emphatically states that “he didn’t just beat the competition – he crushed it!”. Yeah I am not even going to go anywhere near predicting him winning – cause I pretty much have given up any thought of actually picking anything right.

So drum roll please…. Can I actually get one right??? I absolutely think that Jason had no business No Business even singing tonight. It should have been Brooke! We all know that. Jason is so horrible. Please America – do the right thing and send him back to whatever mall he plagues with his skateboard and dreads.

Jason Castro – “the Tribe has spoken!” (Jeff Probst)

Explore posts in the same categories: Uncategorized